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COWBOY POETRY - BUYING A BRA

I ain't much for shopping,
Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain't too easily found.

 But the day came when I had to go -
I left the kids with Ma.
But 'fore I left, she asked me,
'Would you pick me up a bra?'

So without thinkin' I said, 'Sure,'
How tough could that job be?
An' I bent down and kissed her
An' said, 'I'll be back by three.'

Well, I done the things I needed,
But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing -
I worked me up a sweat
I walked into the ladies shop
My hat pulled over my eyes,
I didn't want to take a chance
On bein' recognized.

I walked up to the sales clerk -
I didn't hem or haw -
I told that lady right straight out,
'I'm here to buy a bra.'

From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see
Every woman in that store
Was a'gawki n' right at me!

'What kind would you be looking for?'
Well, I just scratched my head.
I'd only seen one kind before,
'Thought bras was bras,' I said.
She gave me a disgusted look,
'Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Follow me,' I heard her say,
Like a dog, I tagged along.

She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor
When I saw that lingerie.

They had all these different styles
That I'd never seen before
I thought I'd go plumb crazy
'fore I left that women's store.

They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.
(Continued in next column...)
Lingerie Laughs!

A man walks into the lingerie department of Macy's In New York City .He tells the sales lady, 'I would like a Southern Baptist bra for my wife, size 34B.'
 
With a quizzical look the sales lady asks, 'What kind of bra?'
 
He repeats, 'A Southern Baptist bra. My wife said to Tell you that she wanted a Southern Baptist bra, and that You would know what she wanted.'
 
'Oh, yes, now I understand,' says the sales lady. 'We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Most of our customers lately want the Catholic bra, the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra.'

Confused, and a little flustered, the man asks, 'So, What are the differences?'

The sales lady responds, 'It's really quite simple. The Catholic bra supports the masses, the Salvation Army bra lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright.'

He muses on that information for a minute and says, 'Hmm. I know I'll regret asking, but what does the Southern Baptist bra do?'
 
'Ah,' she replied, 'the Southern Baptist bra makes Mountains out of molehills.'


A  Southern Baptist Bra